Seeking Understanding

When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe. John Muir



The movement to assist victims of abuse has been around long enough to see that we won't end domestic violence by building more shelters with better floor plans. And abuser treatment groups have been around long enough to build a lengthy collection of research showing minimal impact of changing the behavior of an abuser. The violence is connected to all other aspects of life - not just the lives of victims and abusers but the life of the community.



What are communities doing besides providing support and abuser treatment groups? What are we doing to address the connections of how we live in relationships.

The Child

Today, battered women's shelters are more likely to provide specific services for children than they did 20 years ago. At the shelter, the children benefit from the routine schedule that includes regular, nutritous meals and a consistent bedtime. The children also have the opportunity to talk to a trained counselor where it is safe to communicate about the violence in their homes. Some pre-verbal children can express through play and drawings. Other children are old enough to talk about the violence they witnessed and how it has impacted them.

Every child responds differently to having a violent parent - even within the same household. Children's personalities will influence the role they take on in the family. Depending upon the dynamics in the household, some roles are thrust upon a child.

Common roles played by chidren in families where woman abuse occurs:

Caretaker: taking care of mom and siblings, not self
Mother's Confidant: hears all of mom's emotional concerns and plans
Abuser's Confidant: treated "better" by abuser than other children, asked to report on mom
Abuser's Assistant: helps abuser to be abusive to mom - sometimes a forced role
Perfect Child: tries to stay under the radar of parents
Referee: will attempt to mediate the violence
Scapegoat: child's behavior is labeled as the cause of the violence

From: Helping Children Thrive: Supporting Woman Abuse Survivors as Mothers by Linda L. Baker and Alison J. Cunningham

Each role has its own physical and emotional dangers for children. Living in a battered women's shelter is a safe environment to simply experience being a child. Children need the opportunity to unpackage the roles they have taken on in their home. Healing from the pain of being a child witness makes space to be your own person, not who you had to be to survive.

To see more about how an adult can impact a child's life:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZscS775ek8

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

October is coming soon and it's domestic violence awareness month.
Looking for resources and ideas? Go to http://www.nrcdv.org/dvam for ideas, links, and networking.

The National Resource Center on Domestic Violence is your headquarters for information on awareness events and activities.

Utilizing Social Media Tools to Engage the Community

The NRCDV is hosting an upcoming webinar titled, "Utilizing Social Media Tools to Engage the Community".

This webinar will focus specifically on how the domestic violence community can utilize social networking sites, tools, and applications to get our message of prevention and effective intervention out to the community.
Please register to participate in the webinar either on Tuesday, September 15 at 11:30 a.m. EDT or Wednesday, September 16 at 3:30 p.m. EDT.

Utilizing Social Media Tools to Engage the Community
Wondering what all of the social media talk is about and what it has to do with your organization? Trying to make sense out of Twitter, Facebook, blogging and other social media applications? Join us to learn how to use the basics, including:
Learn how social media is quickly growing into an effective, resourceful communications medium for nonprofits and social justice advocates.
Begin to recognize, understand, and overcome generational differences that impact willingness to use social media as a means to communicate.
Address common fears and apprehensions about integrating social media strategies.
Get a head start on implementing a social media strategy of your own.

Click on the link below to register for this webinar on either September 15 at 11:30 a.m. EDT or September 16 at 3:30 p.m. EDT.
http://bwjp.ilinc.com/perl/ilinc/lms/event.pl?pp=NRCDV

About the presenter
To say that Nakia Hansen is fascinated with social media and all things communications-related would be an understatement. Currently a freelance writer and social media consultant, Nakia has combined her interests in online media and popular culture with a passion for social justice work and anti-violence advocacy. Nakia is a graduate of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, and Temple University's Beasley School of Law, where she was named a Rubin-Presser Public Interest Scholar. Over the years, Nakia has continued to grow her involvement in the public interest sector by studying international human rights law in Tokyo, Japan, providing legal services for Philadelphia's homeless population at the Homeless Advocacy Project, and as a staff member at the North Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Most recently, she teamed up with the Domestic Violence Advocacy Project to help promote the project's public and prevention education efforts. Nakia currently resides in Poughkeepsie, NY.

Quote from Former US President Jimmy Carter on the status of women

“This view that women are somehow inferior to men is not restricted to one religion or belief. It is widespread… This discrimination, unjustifiably attributed to a Higher Authority, has provided a reason or excuse for the deprivation of women’s equal rights across the world for centuries… At their most repugnant, the belief that women must be subjugated to the wishes of men excuses slavery, violence, forced prostitution, genital mutilation and national laws that omit rape as a crime. But it also costs many millions of girls and women control over their own bodies and lives, and continues to deny them fair access to education, health, employment and influence within their own communities. The impact of these religious beliefs touches every aspect of our lives…. It is not women and girls alone who suffer. It damages all of us. The evidence shows that investing in women and girls delivers major benefits for everyone in society. An educated woman has healthier children. She is more likely to send them to school. She earns more and invests what she earns in her family. It is simply self-defeating for any community to discriminate against half its population.”--Former U.S. President Jimmy Carter, “The Words of God Do Not Justify Cruelty to Women,” The London (U.K.) Guardian, July 12, 2009