Michelle Johnson Major Bava (of Be A Voice to End Domestic Violence) wrote:
"Today in my classroom, we started talking about Chris Brown and it quickly begam evident the need to bring dating violence education into the school system. In a span of thirty seconds I heard:Rihanna deserved it, she gave him VD.Rihanna deserved it, she hit him first.He only did it once, I'd stay with him, look how good he looks.Look at what he can buy her, I'd stay with him.She can change him.She deserved what she got. She cheated.They just don't understand and we have to educate them.PLEASE PLEASE, I urge you to join the cause MADE-Moms and Dads for Education (MADE) to Stop Teen Dating Abuse.
http://apps.facebook.com/causes/172268"
It has been over a decade since I taught violence prevention classes in Wake County (NC) public schools. It doesn't seem like much has changed. I heard many comments like this about the current high profile abuse cases of the time.
The way to start meaningful dialog with teenagers who make these comments is to meet them where they are and not to immediately dismiss their status quo statements. Engage students in critical thinking and get them to take these statements several steps further out and see if they can find any logic in their own belief system. You'll discover which students are pulling your chain, trying to look cool, trying to cover up their own victimization or perhaps covering up their own acts of violence. And you'll discover that some teens still adhere to the status quo belief that violence in intimate relationships is mutual, acceptable and often to be expected. Each teen has a reason for their comments and it's helpful to get them talking even more and listen to them, even though the inclination is to get them to stop talking because what they are saying may sound like nonsense or sound personally offensive.
It's tough to work with youth. Teens know every button to push. They know they have to look tough to their peers. What could be more important to most teens than to blend in with the crowd? It's much cooler for them to side with their peers than with the instructor. I taught violence prevention classes to middle and high school students for over 5 years and it was trial by fire. Everyday was a new lesson for me and them.
Hats off to all who work to educate teens about date violence, rape, and stalking. Don't give up. The number one activity that got through to students more than anything else was when I brought prisoners from the women's prison in Raleigh, NC to speak to the students. The students could relate to women who had a hard life and made some tough choices that put them in the gray bar hotel.
When you talk to teens about interpersonal violence, you are reaching someone in that class whether you know it or not. It's just too hard to be a teen and let an instructor on teen violence know you are getting through. The last thing you want to be in middle or high school is a victim. Relating to and understanding victims can put you at risk in some high schools and middle schools. Think of some of their bizarre comments as self preservation. That's not a bad skill to have.
If OnlyI sure wish that someone had been coming into my junior high school or high school talking about dating violence, sexual violence, sexual harassment, and stalking. I've experienced all of them in my lifetime and it would have been nice to know what to do and where to find help - and where to find an adult who could listen
and also had answers. Back in my day (yes, I'm aging myself by writing that I went to Junior High School!), guidance counselors didn't know a thing about dating and sexual violence. At least the one in my school didn't.
It's Not EnoughIt's not enough to educate teens. Teachers, guidance counselors, principals and parents all have to be educated about interpersonal violence as well. Teens didn't get their ideas about relationships only from each other. As adults, we contribute to their ideas of healthy relationships and we have a responsiblity to teens when they come to us for help. We have a responsiblity to help and not do further harm, unlike my experience in Junior High School. When I was sexually violated, most of the adults that knew created more harm and problems for me than help.
