The Child

Today, battered women's shelters are more likely to provide specific services for children than they did 20 years ago. At the shelter, the children benefit from the routine schedule that includes regular, nutritous meals and a consistent bedtime. The children also have the opportunity to talk to a trained counselor where it is safe to communicate about the violence in their homes. Some pre-verbal children can express through play and drawings. Other children are old enough to talk about the violence they witnessed and how it has impacted them.

Every child responds differently to having a violent parent - even within the same household. Children's personalities will influence the role they take on in the family. Depending upon the dynamics in the household, some roles are thrust upon a child.

Common roles played by chidren in families where woman abuse occurs:

Caretaker: taking care of mom and siblings, not self
Mother's Confidant: hears all of mom's emotional concerns and plans
Abuser's Confidant: treated "better" by abuser than other children, asked to report on mom
Abuser's Assistant: helps abuser to be abusive to mom - sometimes a forced role
Perfect Child: tries to stay under the radar of parents
Referee: will attempt to mediate the violence
Scapegoat: child's behavior is labeled as the cause of the violence

From: Helping Children Thrive: Supporting Woman Abuse Survivors as Mothers by Linda L. Baker and Alison J. Cunningham

Each role has its own physical and emotional dangers for children. Living in a battered women's shelter is a safe environment to simply experience being a child. Children need the opportunity to unpackage the roles they have taken on in their home. Healing from the pain of being a child witness makes space to be your own person, not who you had to be to survive.

To see more about how an adult can impact a child's life:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZscS775ek8