Bradley Cooper Charged with Murder

When Nancy Cooper was murdered over the summer in Cary, NC, I was concerned because the news reported that a runner was murdered. Any murder is disturbing, but this was especially upsetting since I am someone who loves to run in the Triangle and finds great freedom and peace of mind from it.

Then, the police named Brad Cooper, Nancy's husband, as a person of interest. That's never a surprise to people who work with victims and survivors of abuse. Or to those of us who are survivors. When we hear of a woman being murdered, we probably think of the partner or ex-partner first. It has more to do with statistics than it has to do with any bias.

Yesterday, the police charged Brad Cooper with the murder of his wife, Nancy Cooper. If found guilty of first degree murder he could be sentenced to life without parole or to death. He is currently being held without bond.

I've been reading articles about domestic violence homicides for about 20 years.
Of particular interest in the newspaper stories about Brad Cooper:
1. According to affadavits published online by the News and Observer, the abuse in the marriage was no secret to neighbors and friends of the Coopers. Advocates frequently talk about how domestic violence thrives on secrecy. There was no secrecy about his abuse.

2. Chief Pat Bazemore, of the Cary Police Department, was quoted yesterday in the Raleigh News and Observer as saying, "It has been a case of domestic violence of the very worst kind." It is rare to see the words "domestic violence" in homicide stories about a white couple living in a wealthy neighborhood. It's more likely to see statements like, "crime of passion", "he snapped", "love gone bad". To see this homicide described as domestic violence is great progress from the news stories about Mike Peterson, who murdered his wife, Kathleen Peterson. The words "domestic violence" rarely, if ever, appeared to describe his crime.

Facts about homicide of women by intimate partners:
• The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports 1,200 deaths and two million injuries to women from intimate partner violence each year.
• According to the U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics, on average three women a day are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in the United States. Women are 84 percent of spouse abuse victims, 86 percent of victims of abuse at the hands of a boyfriend or girlfriend, and three in four victims of family violence.

Flee Factor

How is your flee factor?
Are you any good at getting out of bad situations? Like when you get stung by a hornet?
What about when you are with an abusive partner?

Yesterday, I was sharing a story with a friend of mine about being stung multiple times by hornets and taking more than a moment to get away from them. My friend joked that my "flee factor" was kind of slow in this situation. It's so true, I was slow to realize how severe my reaction was to the stings.

It's common knowledge among advocates and survivors that abusers bait their victims into relationships by pouring on the charm and seeming like a nice, caring mate. It's only after the initial attraction and connection that abusive behavior shows up. And yes, it's true that abusers sometimes show lots of red flags early in the relationship. Partners sometimes heed those red flags are sometimes ignore them.

The flee factor comes into play after a mate shows their true nature of having a need for power and control in the relationship. Or after you spot the red flags that you are with a hornet who is going to sting you - repeatedly.

It can be dangerous to flee an abuser. When battered women are murdered, it's usually after they leave an abuser or while they are in the process of leaving. That doesn't change the element within ourselves: our ability to detect when it's time to make a plan of escape and to execute that plan. Is your flee factor sharp or is it like a dull knife that can't cut paper? Are you slow to recognize danger and warning signs that it's time to get away or are you quick to see that it's time to get out and get away? How is your "flee factor?"

We Are All Impacted by Domestic Violence

As a culture, we are getting better and better at recognizing that domestic violence is not a "women's issue" and that children are impacted in profound and lasting ways.

To learn more, watch this powerful video of Patrick Stewart (the actor who plays Captain Jean-Luc Picard of Star Trek fame) describing his experience as a child witness of domestic violence and the impact it has had on his adult life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPzVUGE3dds

I Still Love Him...

Women who have left an abusive partner frequently struggle with feelings of love for their partner. The love goes hand in hand with the feeling of confusion. Many women ask themselves, how could I still love someone who is so mean, violent, and abusive? Unfortunately, these emotions are also accompanied by the feeling that something is wrong... with us.

Women who have left abusive partners come into contact with many people who believe that the feelings of love indicate something gravely wrong with her. Something to be fixed, improved, or changed.

Consider this:

It's normal to remember good times and translate that into feelings of love.
It's normal to see the potential for change and hope for it to happen.
It's normal to remember and love the person that you are able to see underneath the violence, abuse, and meanness.

The question to ask women who are still in love with an abusive partner is not, what is wrong with you?

Here are some questions to explore:

• What would it be like to acknowledge that you love someone and choose not to be with them?
• What sacrifices of self respect and dignity do you have to make in order to be with this person?
• What price would you have to pay in order to be with this person? What price would your children have to pay in order for you to be with this person? (dignity? self respect? job? leisure activities? time with family? freedom? safety?)
• What is the grieving process like for you? How can you take the time to grieve and feel the pain of the end of a relationship? Who are your support systems as you go through this process? (because no one should go though this process alone)

What are you doing for Domestic Violence Awareness Month?

If your answer is, "I don't know," then here are several opportunities for you to choose.

Tomorrow, October 21st, at NCCU, see "Speaking without Tongues"
Reception at 6:30pm
Performance at 7:00pm
More information at www.hiddenvoices.org

Thursday, October 23, at First Presbyterian Church, 305 E. Main St., Durham, NC, attend a lecture by Ms. Mildred Muhammad, ex-wife of the infamous DC/Beltway Sniper, John Allen Muhammad.
More information at www.durhamcrisisresponse.org

Saturday, October 25, at the Pavilion at Durham Central Park, from 7pm to 9pm, attend Hear Them, a candlelight vigil and moving performance in memory of all the women, men, and children murdered because of domestic violence in NC. This vigil is sponsored by Inspirational Productions.
More information from Danita Davis at: 919-490-3012.

What is ICAC?

ICAC: It stands for Internet Crimes Against Children

Why do we need to know?
(information from presentation given by Kevin West, Special Agent in Charge, NC State Bureau of Investigaion Computer Crimes Unit at the Child Advocacy Centers of NC conference in September, 2008)

In one study of children who use the Internet:
1 in 4 reported unwanted exposure to nudity
1 in 5 reported sexual solicitation
1 in 17 reported that they were threatened or harassed
1 in 33 reported being asked to meet, phoned, or mailed

From the State Bureau of Investigation Website:
"Internet Crimes Against Children" (ICAC) is a nationwide network of law enforcement agencies and prosecutors dedicated to protecting children from online dangers. The United States Department of Justice's Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention founded ICAC and provides funding for it.

North Carolina's ICAC Task Force is led by the State Bureau of Investigation, which is part of the North Carolina Department of Justice headed by Attorney General Roy Cooper. The ICAC Task Force assists local law enforcement agencies in tracking down predators who use the Internet to exploit children, and helps prosecutors when those cases go to court.

To read about the type of case where the task force provides assistance, go to: http://www.newsobserver.com/news/crime_safety/story/1255465.html

It is interesting to note that in the news article, it states that the perpetrator confessed to "sex addiction." That sounds so cleaned up, so different from confessing to exploitation of a minor or confessing to viewing child pornography. He plead guilty to 10 counts of second-degree exploitation of a minor. Sound troubling to you? His sentence is 20 days of weekend jail and five years of probation.

Feel free to share your opinion here.

It's Time to Exhale

From the Exhale website, www.exhalenc.org:

EXHALE is a grassroots, faithbased, nonprofit organization that supports, involves, and includes victims and survivors of violence from all racial, social, ethnic, religious and economic groups.

Our mission is to promote quality services and resources to the community through awareness, prevention, and intervention.

Our goal is to ensure empowerment, equality, and advocacy for all individuals as we work towards eradicating all forms of violence and other forms of oppression.
____

Exhale is located in Creedmoor, NC and offers support services to victims and survivors of abuse. You can reach Exhale at their 24 Hour Support Line: 919-672-0139.

Exhale's founder and director, Kate Brodie, was recently featured in the Durham Herald Sun for her performance in Speaking without Tongues, a play about violence against women created by Hidden Voices.

If you haven't seen Speaking without Tongues, you have three more chances:
October 21 at 7:00pm at the NC Central University campus in Durham, NC

October 28 at the UNC Chapel Hill campus at 3:30pm and again at 6:30pm.

These performances are free and open to the public.

It all started with The Wild Trees

The vision started over a year ago when a friend of mine gave me the book, The Wild Trees, by Richard Preston. As I read about Stephen Sillett and Marie Antoine, who have climbed the tallest trees in the world in northern California, I knew that I had to see these trees for myself.

I began making plans to camp and hike among the Coast Redwoods in Humboldt State Park and Redwoods National Park, California. I was determined to see these beautiful, tall trees. Finally, on September 21, 2008, my dream came true. Two of my siblings and I flew to San Francisco and met my sister, Michelle. From there we drove to Albee Creek Campsite and embarked on my dream vacation. Seeing the coast redwoods was everything I dreamed it would be - breathtaking majesty and beauty. Nothing compares to standing among the Coast Redwoods.

If you have a dream, now is the time to realize it and make it your reality. If something in your life or relationships is not the way that you want it to be, then set your course, find your resources, make your plans, and make change happen.

If a coast redwood can grow from a tiny seed to well over 300 feet tall with no budget, no policy, and no committee meeting (OK, that last one puts the Redwoods at a sure advantage!), then I believe we can each grow to our fullest potential in our lifetime.

Giving Voice to Abuse Survivors

Danita Davis, director of Inspirational Productions, was named Tar Heel of the Week in this Sunday's News and Observer. Ms. Davis is a powerful woman who shatters the myths about victims of abuse and what it means to survive and heal from a battering relationship.

For the complete story ... http://www.newsobserver.com/news/story/1252173.html

Congratulations Ms. Davis! To learn more about her work, be sure to attend her domestic violence candlelight vigil on October 25, at 7pm, at the pavilion at Durham Central Park.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

On October 25, 2008, Inspirational Productions will host a vigil in memory of all of the women, men, and children who have lost their lives in NC because of domestic violence in 2008. The vigil will be held at the Pavilion at Durham Central Park, 501 Foster St. from 7:00pm. to 9:00pm.

This is an opportunity to remember the people who died because of domestic violence and it is a time to be grateful for the peace and blessings that you have in your own home.

Please don't let October pass you by without taking the time to remember domestic violence homicide victims and find out more about how you can be a part of the solution. I hope you will join Danita Davis and Inspirational Productions on October 25 for the candlelight vigil, "Hear Them."

For more information, please call 919-490-3012.

Domestic Violence Homicide

In the last 10 months, four military women in NC have been murdered. Either a husband, estranged husband, or acquaintance have been charged with their murders. Domestic violence homicides are not unique to the military. We have to pay attention to all domestic violence homicides. When the number of homicides is this high within the military, we owe it to all military families to offer support, education, and information on domestic violence and what services are available both to victims and abusers.

I extend my sympathy to the families of the four military women who have been murdered in the last 10 months in NC.

information below is from www.WRAL.com
Lance Cpl. Maria Lauterbach was beaten to death in December, and her charred remains were found in January in the back yard of Cpl. Cesar Laurean, a fellow Camp Lejeune Marine. Laurean is awaiting extradition from Mexico, where he was arrested after a three-month international manhunt.

Spc. Megan Touma's body was found in a Fayetteville motel room in June, nine days after she arrived at Fort Bragg. Sgt. Edgar Patino, a student at the John F. Kennedy Special Warfare Center and School at Fort Bragg, has been charged in the case.

The burned remains of 2nd Lt. Holley Wimunc, a nurse at Womack Army Medical Center, were found in Onslow County in July, three days after a suspicious fire was reported at her Fayetteville apartment. Her estranged husband, Marine Cpl. John Wimunc, and another Camp Lejeune Marine, have been charged in her death.

Sgt. Christina Smith was killed on Sept. 30 in an apparent mugging. Investigators said her husband, Sgt. Richard Smith, paid another serviceman to carry out the attack.

Please help find Kelly Currin Morris

Kelly Currin Morris has been missing since September 3, 2008.
If you would like to send a donation to the Currin family please send to
Pat Currin
P. O. Box 609
Creedmoor, NC 27522

The donations will help with the private K-9 search throughout the area for Kelly, food for the numerous volunteers, and other expenses incurred from the searches. If there are any additional funds left, it will go to Kelly's children.

Investigators have been working around the clock; however, they need your help. If you are able to give any of your time to continue the search for Kelly, it would be greatly appreciated by the Currin family.

If you volunteer, remember you will be searching in remote, heavily wooded areas. You will need bug spray, must wear jeans/long pants, long sleeve shirts, and boots, if possible. Please see the information below and location for the continued search. On Saturday 10/4/08 and Sunday, 10/5/08 the meeting place to continue the search for Kelly Currin Morris will be 2816 Old Weaver Trail, Creedmoor, NC. The searches will begin at approx 9:00 AM, and last until 5:00 PM. Searches will also be conducted during week days. This will be the meeting place each day until further notice. If you're able to volunteer for the entire day, or just a portion of the day, it would be greatly appreciated.

Please pass this information on to anyone you know who may be interested in volunteering. Thank you for helping with the continued search for Kelly. The Currin family very much appreciate the support and care shown to them.

What are you doing for Domestic Violence Awareness Month?

Speaking Without Tongues, the current Hidden Voices project, explores violence and survival in the actual lives of women from diverse ethnic backgrounds. The ensemble of African-American, Arab, Euro-American, Latina, and South Asian women have worked with the non-profit Hidden Voices for more than a year, exploring their own experiences, learning how to tell their own stories, and giving voice to other women who share their struggle but cannot speak for themselves, either because they are still in danger or because their family or social positions prohibit this kind of exposure.

Violence against women and girls is a major human rights issue and a global phenomenon of epidemic proportions; it is hidden but it is pervasive. Violence affects our sisters, our mothers, our co-workers, and our children.

Using personal stories from survivors across NC, along with original music by Shirlette Ammons, Catherine Edgerton, and Shannon O’Neill, and photography by Jessie Gladin-Kramer and others, Speaking Without Tongues uncovers and expresses the almost unspeakable truths of these contemporary lives. The survival stories are horrifying but undeniably inspiring. Looking steadfastly at both realities allows us to enter a realm in which awareness grows and healing thrives.

In addition to the performance, the project includes self-portraits in the form of photographs and constructed boxes created by the survivors. The photographs express how personal scars – physical, emotional, intellectual – take shape in the geography of their bodies and their daily lives. The boxes combine personal and found objects; they boxes hide, frame, and reveal the survivors’ understanding that what is not spoken is still heard. The exhibit opening at The ArtsCenter is October 10, 2008.