Running and Life

Many people are following the news stories about the murder of Nancy Cooper (www.newsobserver.com). My deepest sympathies are with all of her family and friends.

I am also following the case because it appears to involve domestic violence. I was first following the case because a runner was murdered and I was concerned about the safety of running alone - something I do quite frequently.

Last week I went running in Duke Forest and a male runner came up unexpectedly behind me. I know I had the look of sheer terror on my face when I turned to look at him. Within the seconds it took him to pass me, he saw my fear and said, I'm sorry. Then this week I was running alone and passed a male who was walking and I called out, "to your left" - as running ettiquette dictates. When he turned to look at me, he had a look of total calm. That's one of the differences in the world for men and women.

Everything is speculation at this point about who murdered Nancy Cooper. The email posts and the affadavits from friends and family are a big gossip fest. We Durhamites will never be the same since the Duke LaCrosse case, so most of us are waiting to see what comes next before jumping to any conclusions. The police did say that it was not random so that gave me some relief in terms of going out and running alone. It's not something I have any desire to give up. It clears my head and brings me a sense of calm and peace.

This week, I'll be doing my running on the beach at Cherry Grove, SC. I am heading to South Carolina for my family reunion - 8 of 9 siblings, 2 sisters-in-law, 13 of 16 nieces and nephews, 2 step-nephews, 5 grandnieces, 2 parents, and 1 grandnephew. And I'm sure I'm leaving out some boyfriends and girlfriends of family members who are also coming. Wow!

Have a fabulous week! Back on line Saturday or Sunday in August.

Be blessed.

Domestic Violence and Guns

I'm doing research for several workshops I'll be presenting over the next 2 months. Most audiences say they don't like statistics, but there are always one or two people who want to hear/see the numbers. Here are 2 statistics from the American Bar Association website. It's interesting that you will often be hard pressed to find advocates against domestic violence who will also make any definitive statements about guns in America. It's even more interesting when you look at these statistics.

• Access to firearms yields a more than five-fold increase in risk of intimate partner homicide when considering other factors of abuse, according to a recent study, suggesting that abusers who possess guns tend to inflict the most severe abuse on their partners.

Jacquelyn C. Campbell et al., Risk Factors For Femicide in Abusive Relationships: Results From A Multi-Site Case Control Study, 93 Am. J. of Public Health 1089, 1092 (2003), abstract available at http://www.ajph.org/cgi/content/abstract/93/7/1089

• Of females killed with a firearm, almost two-thirds were killed by their intimate partners. The number of females shot and killed by their husband or intimate partner was more than three times higher than the total number murdered by male strangers using all weapons combined in single victim/single offender incidents in 2002.

The Violence Pol'y Ctr., When Men Murder Women: An Analysis of 2002 Homicide Data: Females Murdered by Males in Single Victim/Single Offender Incidents, at 7 (2004), available at http://www.vpc.org/studies/wmmw2004.pdf

I'm in Skirt!

Skirt! the magazine, not 'skirt,' the article of clothing. About a month ago I wrote that I would be sharing some good news. My good news is that I am featured in the local July issue of Skirt! magazine.

I got a call in June that I had been nominated and selected as a local feminist to be featured in the July issue of Skirt! I'm one of 5 women and men who were selected to be featured in the magazine. Here's the link to the online version:

http://raleigh.skirt.com/node/7485

Teens, Tweens, and Dating Violence

Liz Claiborne, Inc. runs a website, http://www.loveisrespect.org/, with information about domestic violence and dating violence. They recently commissioned a study about tweens and dating violence. You can take a look at the results of the study here:

Tween and Teen Dating Violence and Abuse Study - quick link
July 8th, 2008
Tween and Teen Dating Violence and Abuse Study
Here’s a quick link to the study featured on the CBS Early Morning Show today, co-sponsored by loveisrespect and conducted by TRU.

In the early '90s I taught violence prevention classes in the Wake County (NC) public schools to middle and high school students. The information in this study confirms what many tweens and teens were sharing with me over 15 years ago: teenagers get involved in intimate relationships and some of those relationships involve abuse and violence. The study puts some emphasis on connecting early sexual activity with experiencing abuse. That's not surprising and most likely not causal. As physical and emotional intimacy increase, abuse tends to increase. The teens who are sexually active most likely have a more involved relationship and are thus spending more time together. That leads to an increased opportunity for abuse to occur than in a relationship that is not as connected or intimate.

Take a look at the study - regardless of whether you have children or not. All of us will have contact with these youths in some capacity. They might be your neighbor, your niece's boyfriend, or feeding you food at the retirement center.

Speaking without Tongues

Hidden Voices is a non-profit based in Carrboro, NC. Their mission is to empower people to tell thier stories so that we can improve communities.

Currently, Hidden Voices is working on a project for Domestic Violence Awareness Month (October) titled Speaking without Tongues. This project includes 5 women from diverse backgrounds sharing their stories of overcoming abusive relationships. The performances in October will include acting, music, photography and an art display of boxes made by survivors from all over North Carolina. To see a sampling of this performance and to learn more about Hidden Voices, check out this video from a fundraiser held in May, 2008:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOaC_5gAZO0

To suport the work of Hidden Voices, go to: www.hiddenvoices.org where you can make a tax-deductible donation. I am proud to be a member of the board of directors of Hidden Voices. Their work is a wonderful combination of social justice and the arts.

Easily Enraged? Oh, please.

Here we go again.
The defense team for Jakiem Wilson hired a neuropsychiatrist to the tune of $12,000 who stated that Wilson "became impulsive and acting consistently with what I describe as episodic, violent behavior," to explain why he murdered his wife as she stepped out of the shower. Never mind his earlier complaints that his wife was a "nag" and that he also had two teenagers come to the home and help him clean up the crime scene and stage the crime to look like a rival gang revenge killing. (News and Observer, July 8, 2008) http://www.newsobserver.com/news/wake/wendell/story/1134130.html

Oh, please.
Where is the stack of evidence that he used "episodic violence" on neighbors? On employers? On people who bring 20 items into the 10 item lane? I'm not buying it - not even to the tune of $12,000. And who is paying that bill? The "state." The state... as in you and me. Not only do we have to be insulted with an abuser murdering his wife and defense attorneys attempting to explain it away as a "fit of rage" (News and Observer, July 2, 2008), we have to foot the bill. And if that weren't bad enough, we have to read not once, not twice, but three times that his children supposedly were "unharmed." It's offensive. And more than offensive, it's just plain wrong.

Who is paying?
Who is paying the therapy bill for the two children who were in the home while their father murdered their mother? Who is paying for Ms. Nneka Wilson's funeral? Who is going to help Mrs. Claudette Hill and Mr. James Hill pay for raising the two children who turn 4 and 2 this week? What a happy birthday this will be.

Let's get real here.
I can believe that he had anger and rage. They were two tools that he used along with a knife to willingly choose to murder his wife (it is undisputed in this case that he committed the murder).

Family Support

I'm going on the road again. I'm headed to California until July 7 to be with a family member in need of love and support. That's one way that family can be so wonderful - they can be there to support you through your good times and bad.

For battered women, though, abusers will sometimes work hard to cut their partner off from friends, family, and support systems.

Country music singer, Mica Roberts, has written a song about domestic violence and family connections. Ms. Roberts also has partnered with Verizon Wireless to help raise awareness about domestic violence and the Helpline Project - where Verizon Wireless provides re-furbished cell phones to battered women and also uses the profits from the sale of refurbished phones to make donations to domestic violence crisis centers.

Here's the link to Mica Robert's music video for the song, Things a Mama Don't Know.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0bRmSuQQ3Q

Children Unharmed? Oh, please.

I read an article in the News and Observer today about a man who murdered his wife and the couple's two children were in the home at the time.

Here is the link to the article titled, Prosecutors: Wilson planned to kill wife
http://www.newsobserver.com/news/crime_safety/story/1125328.html

Here we are in 2008, and still I am reading sentences like this one in newspaper articles, "The couple's two children were home at the time but were unharmed." That just isn't even possible. This may seem like a minor point - you may be thinking that it's obvious that the writer means the children weren't physically harmed.
It's one more example of how communities minimize the impact of battering on children. These two children's father murdered their mother. Their mother is gone and their father is facing a possible life sentence for murdering her. The children were harmed. We owe it to children to acknowledge the harm of witnessing their father murder their mother. The children did not escape emotional and psychological harm. When we don't acknowledge that harm, it's like we're saying it doesn't exist. If it doesn't exist then it lets us off the hook of addressing the emotional trauma of the children. Then we scratch our heads and wonder at the troubled children in the world and then marvel again at the troubled adults in the world.

We have to start by acknowledging the emotional and psychological harm to children who witness battering and abuse of one parent by another. When we acknowledge this harm, then we can work on helping children to heal.