It's Just a Piece of Paper

I hear that phrase all the time. People are usually referring to a domestic violence protective order. What else is just a piece of paper?

Your social security card, your birth certificate, your marriage license, your gun license, your health insurance card (if you have one), your car insurance card, and the bill of rights are just pieces of paper too.

A Known History of Violence
A common line in domestic violence articles says: There was no history of domestic violence. I always silently say to myself, really? How would one know? Does the reporter really mean to write, there was no police or court record of domestic violence. That’s a very different statement with a different meaning all together. Victims of abuse do not always call the police or use the court system. When victims get restraining orders, they are sometimes told, it’s just a piece of paper. Sometimes they have been murdered and “experts” are quoted as saying, “it was just a piece of paper.”

A Legal Document
A protective order is a legal document. It’s a written record of abuse. It’s one piece of proof of a history of violence. It’s a piece of paper that may help us understand abusers and their long histories of violence. That might not be a good reason to get a restraining order. Every case is different. It’s a reason that we do need to consider. A protective order can help communities understand that abusers don’t “snap." A protective order can help communities understand the history of violence that abusers bring into relationships. A protective order can serve more than one purpose. It can be a tool to understand abuse and a tool to keep victims safe while holding abusers accountable.

We Can't Have It Both Ways
If it’s just a piece of paper, then why did advocates fight so hard to get Chapter 50B passed in North Carolina? If it’s just a piece of paper, then why does virtually every domestic violence crisis center in North Carolina provide court advocates to help victims fill out paperwork for protective orders? Why are crisis centers required to provide court advocacy? Victims are told that they need to get a protective order and then they are told, it’s just a piece of paper.

Leave It for Bumper Stickers
As advocates and allies, let’s move on from calling a protective order just a piece of paper. Let’s talk about what it means to have a protective order. Let’s talk about what it can and cannot do. Leave the bumper sticker phrases for the backs of cars and let’s have some real dialog about protective orders.