Abusers Mow Lawns

I have been reading about domestic violence homicides in newspapers since the early 1990s. I am always fascinated by the interviews with the neighbors of the alleged murderer. The quote that I remember the most is the neighbor who stated that the man accused of the murder had mowed the lawn for her just the day before the murder. It does seem strange that someone could mow your lawn one day and murder his wife right next door to you the next day.

Even abusers do neighborly deeds like mowing lawns. It's what makes it so hard to fathom that they are also capable of homicide. It's frustrating as an advocate to see the neighbor interviews in homicide articles. They are not domestic violence experts and because of the private, secret nature of domestic violence, they probably did not see or witness any battering. The neighbor interview may show that we really never know who might be an abuser. Unfortunately, it also creates the idea that this person must have just "snapped" (or other terms in that same genre that people use to explain domestic violence homicides). When we hear the neighbor talk about what a nice person he was, it places doubt that most likeley an ongoing pattern of abusive behavior was occurring.

Abusers tend to be calculating people. They know that abuse behind closed doors with the persona of being a good neighbor will create doubts in anyone's mind that they could be capable of violence.