Finally, an arrest

My thoughts and prayers are with the family of Kelly Morris. Finally, after more than a year after her disappearance, police found her body. Her husband has been charged with her murder.

Where is Domestic Violence?

I'm doing some research on New Jersey - yes, New Jersey - and I came across the New Jersey Law Network website and they have a list of NJ laws affecting families that looks like this:

Laws affecting Families:
42 USC CHAPTER 67 Child Abuse Link to table of contents from Cornell's Legal Information Institute
42 USC Sec. 5111 Adoption Link to table of contents from Cornell's Legal Information Institute 25 USC CHAPTER 21 Indian Children Link to table of contents from Cornell's Legal Information Institute
S.CT. Divorce Decisions Link to table of contents from Cornell's Legal Information Institute

Where the heck are the domestic violence laws? They need to be right up there next to child abuse! Domestic violence laws affect families and the ability for non-offending spouses, parents, and children to be safe! And most of the time the law is the only way to hold an abuser accountable for their violent, family-destroying behavior.

Get with it New Jersey! Add your domestic violence laws to the list!

PS. No, I have no intentions of moving to New Jersey. The garden state is beautiful, however, I'm partial to NC, our mild weather, and lots of loved ones who live here!

A Possible Break in the Case

Last month I wrote about 6 African American women whose bodies were found in the same area in Rocky Mounty, NC. (posted 7/8/09). A man has been arrested in connection with the murders. He is a convicted, registered sex offender (his charge was indecent liberties with a 2 year old - ask any DSS worker what indecent liberties means if you are in the mood to get angry about the ridiculous charges that we have for child molestation and how awful, offensive crimes can be reduced to ridiculous misnomers like "indecent liberties with a child").

Most of the women's autopsies revealed brutal, violent murders. The perpetratror targeted women who were on the margins of society - easy access and an easy way to go undetected by police. The perpetrator dragged the women, possibly still alive, off into woods and behind crack houses. He tossed them away like garbage.

The crimes show a particular hatred towards women carried to an extreme. Do you have anything in common with the man who committed these crimes? The murders are all horrific and that can stand in the way of seeing the connections of other lesser forms of violence against women. Can the person who listens to and enjoys music that degrades women see any connection with this man? Probably not. It's too far away and too close at the same time. Who wants to give up the music they love so much? Who could see a reason to give it up when they know they would never murder a woman? How do we make the connections and start a chain of change? Starting with the sex offender/murderer of adult women doesn't seem like the best place to launch a prevention effort. But how do you reach out to people who see no connection to violence against women and their world of music, movies, books, entertainment, and relationships? How do we break through the belief that not murdering women is enough?

"When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe."

~ John Muir

I'm sure John Muir was talking about trees and the environment - the beautiful lands of California that he loved so much. His phrase applies to all of life. How you are living and treating people in your life influences the degree of peace towards women and children everywhere.

Here is the article about today's arrest in Rocky Mount, NC. http://www.newsobserver.com/news/crime_safety/story/1670771.html

Seeking Understanding

When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe. John Muir



The movement to assist victims of abuse has been around long enough to see that we won't end domestic violence by building more shelters with better floor plans. And abuser treatment groups have been around long enough to build a lengthy collection of research showing minimal impact of changing the behavior of an abuser. The violence is connected to all other aspects of life - not just the lives of victims and abusers but the life of the community.



What are communities doing besides providing support and abuser treatment groups? What are we doing to address the connections of how we live in relationships.

The Child

Today, battered women's shelters are more likely to provide specific services for children than they did 20 years ago. At the shelter, the children benefit from the routine schedule that includes regular, nutritous meals and a consistent bedtime. The children also have the opportunity to talk to a trained counselor where it is safe to communicate about the violence in their homes. Some pre-verbal children can express through play and drawings. Other children are old enough to talk about the violence they witnessed and how it has impacted them.

Every child responds differently to having a violent parent - even within the same household. Children's personalities will influence the role they take on in the family. Depending upon the dynamics in the household, some roles are thrust upon a child.

Common roles played by chidren in families where woman abuse occurs:

Caretaker: taking care of mom and siblings, not self
Mother's Confidant: hears all of mom's emotional concerns and plans
Abuser's Confidant: treated "better" by abuser than other children, asked to report on mom
Abuser's Assistant: helps abuser to be abusive to mom - sometimes a forced role
Perfect Child: tries to stay under the radar of parents
Referee: will attempt to mediate the violence
Scapegoat: child's behavior is labeled as the cause of the violence

From: Helping Children Thrive: Supporting Woman Abuse Survivors as Mothers by Linda L. Baker and Alison J. Cunningham

Each role has its own physical and emotional dangers for children. Living in a battered women's shelter is a safe environment to simply experience being a child. Children need the opportunity to unpackage the roles they have taken on in their home. Healing from the pain of being a child witness makes space to be your own person, not who you had to be to survive.

To see more about how an adult can impact a child's life:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZscS775ek8

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

October is coming soon and it's domestic violence awareness month.
Looking for resources and ideas? Go to http://www.nrcdv.org/dvam for ideas, links, and networking.

The National Resource Center on Domestic Violence is your headquarters for information on awareness events and activities.

Utilizing Social Media Tools to Engage the Community

The NRCDV is hosting an upcoming webinar titled, "Utilizing Social Media Tools to Engage the Community".

This webinar will focus specifically on how the domestic violence community can utilize social networking sites, tools, and applications to get our message of prevention and effective intervention out to the community.
Please register to participate in the webinar either on Tuesday, September 15 at 11:30 a.m. EDT or Wednesday, September 16 at 3:30 p.m. EDT.

Utilizing Social Media Tools to Engage the Community
Wondering what all of the social media talk is about and what it has to do with your organization? Trying to make sense out of Twitter, Facebook, blogging and other social media applications? Join us to learn how to use the basics, including:
Learn how social media is quickly growing into an effective, resourceful communications medium for nonprofits and social justice advocates.
Begin to recognize, understand, and overcome generational differences that impact willingness to use social media as a means to communicate.
Address common fears and apprehensions about integrating social media strategies.
Get a head start on implementing a social media strategy of your own.

Click on the link below to register for this webinar on either September 15 at 11:30 a.m. EDT or September 16 at 3:30 p.m. EDT.
http://bwjp.ilinc.com/perl/ilinc/lms/event.pl?pp=NRCDV

About the presenter
To say that Nakia Hansen is fascinated with social media and all things communications-related would be an understatement. Currently a freelance writer and social media consultant, Nakia has combined her interests in online media and popular culture with a passion for social justice work and anti-violence advocacy. Nakia is a graduate of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, and Temple University's Beasley School of Law, where she was named a Rubin-Presser Public Interest Scholar. Over the years, Nakia has continued to grow her involvement in the public interest sector by studying international human rights law in Tokyo, Japan, providing legal services for Philadelphia's homeless population at the Homeless Advocacy Project, and as a staff member at the North Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Most recently, she teamed up with the Domestic Violence Advocacy Project to help promote the project's public and prevention education efforts. Nakia currently resides in Poughkeepsie, NY.